


Begin Again

by Daily_Scenarios



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Birthday Party, Fluff and Angst, Future Fic, M/M, Reunion 3.0, it's aaron's 30th birthday, obviously there's a happy end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-01-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:02:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22132972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daily_Scenarios/pseuds/Daily_Scenarios
Summary: “Mum... I said no fuss!” - repeated Aaron because she clearly didn't understand the first dozens of times.“I've heard, but if I can't spoil my boy on his 30th then when can I? Seb will love it okay? Now go and get dressed. You have a cake to slice.” - Aaron couldn't do a single thing but to obey. He knew deep down that it was too much to ask. He wouldn't even celebrate if it wasn't for SebOr...Aaron's life changed after the tragic death of rebecca. Now he's raising Seb, and all he wants is a quiet day on his birthday. His family think otherwise. And he doesn't even know about his present.
Relationships: Aaron Dingle/Robert Sugden
Comments: 14
Kudos: 121





	Begin Again

Ever since Robert wasn't there... every day was a challenge. The nights were the worst. He was depressed, he hit self destruct, he couldn't handle it. And he didn't even have anyone to confide in, because his sister had a lot on, Victoria just had her baby, and his mum and Paddy.. well they had Eve to think about. He was reckless, and there were days when he didn't even care. Then when he thought it couldn't get worse... it did. Rebecca refused access to Seb. She didn't let him visit anymore and it only pushed Aaron further into desperation.

Nothing was worth it anymore. People didn't understand him, Rebecca took Seb away, he felt alone. He felt alone and all he could do was blame Robert for leaving him. For not understanding what he's doing to him. He drank.... a lot. Had more than enough shouting matches with his family to know that they all wanted him to forget the past 5 years of his life. How could he? Why would he? It was a part of him he never wanted to erase.

He knew he couldn't go on like that, and deep down he hoped for a miracle. A sign. Anything to get him out of that hole that he sank into.

Then the news came, and it changed his life forever...

* * *

It wasn't easy at first. To process what happened to Rebecca. It was all a blur and all Aaron knew was that suddenly Pete was leaving the village to be there for his brother and Ross said that Aaron should have Seb because he's family and because Ross was in no way fit to handle a toddler. The problem was... that Aaron was barely sober in those days. As soon as he heard what happened he wanted to get Seb, and just hug him all day, but first, he needed to sort his head out. He wasn't even sure if Robert would want his son with him. He really wasn't. He knew nothing about what Robert wanted, and it killed him, but he needed to know if he could get Seb.

In the end, it was Vic who gave him the letter Robert sent to her. He didn't talk about Aaron really, except the part where he said the only person who can raise Seb was Aaron and no one else. It was clear, and it hit Aaron harder than any form of reality. He needed to be there for Seb. He had to step up because there was this little boy who needed him more than anything.

It took him 3 weeks but he got back to his normal self. He started going to therapy again, he tidied up the Mill, he calmed down, and all he asked from his family was to not tell him how he should forget Robert because Seb doesn't need this, and quite frankly neither does he. His mum asked only once if he was sure about it. To have Seb, to raise him as his own... at least until Robert gets out, but Aaron interrupted her even before she could finish her first sentence. It was never a question. He's always loved that lad and he never needed time to think about what he wanted to do.

By summer they were inseparable.

Slowly the light returned to his eyes every time he was with Seb, every time he was talking about him. He lived for that little boy. Of course, it was challenging to keep up with a 2 and a half-year-old, but it melted Aaron's heart every time Seb did something new. He cried when Seb randomly pointed to one of Robert's pictures and mumble in his own little language no doubt asking why he's not there. He cried when Seb first started saying dada and it was obvious he meant Aaron, and he got tears in his eyes the first time a complete stranger complimented him about how cute his son was.

With Seb, he felt like his life got meaning again... now all he wished was to be able to see Robert. Seb was the spitting image of his father...sometimes that helped. Sometimes it was a curse.

1 year in and his family started to realize that they should leave him be. The last time his mum tried to arrange a date for him, was the night they had the biggest fight. Seb was three years old, and as soon as Summer kicked in he was at the scrapyard all day, helping Daddy. He was dead proud to wear his little hi-vis. Vic got it for his birthday, and he was too excited to wait until at least spring, he had to wear it as soon as possible. He wore it everywhere. He almost went to the Dingle Christmas dressing up as a scrapper. Everybody was laughing about how cute he was, especially Aaron.

They finished for the day and walked into the Wollie for their lunch when Chas greeted them with a big smile. She was too suspicious and she was also quick to get Seb into the back. Aaron realized what was going on when she introduced a stranger who apparently got there by mistake while he was travelling to Hotten. Aaron didn't buy it. He wanted to let him down as gently as possible, and wanted to strangle his mother right after. This, however, wasn't the reason they had the biggest fight of their lives, the one after Aaron didn't even acknowledge her for months.

Seb ran cheery to Aaron telling him how he finished his juice and he wants more.

“Cute kid. Is he yours?” - asked the stranger looking at Aaron clearly not giving up. He barely said two words and was just about to tell him to stop wasting his time when Seb appeared, and before Aaron could answer Chas opened her mouth.

“It's not what it...” - she couldn't say more because the glance Aaron sent in her way shut her up for good.

“Yes, he is. He's my son. Excuse me, we have to go.” - he said as politely as he possibly could before he took Seb by the hand and led him out the pub. That was the last time he spoke to his mother, for almost 5 months.

Chas knew she made a mistake and she tried to tell Aaron how she only wanted to say it's not what it looks like because it's complicated, but Aaron was having none of it. He came to the pub that night after he made sure Seb was asleep, left Liv with him, then went over and told his mum for the last time to butt out of his life, or he's not only gonna avoid her, but move away for good.

For a while it seemed like Chas got it, then she tried to organise a birthday party for Seb later that year, but Aaron made sure to be far far away from the village.

How could Chas think that he could even look at another man? Not even without Seb in his life. He also had multiple conversations with Seb about where his dad was, why he's not there, and why Seb can't wish him to be there on his birthday or Christmas, because he cannot magically appear. Seb understood... well as a 4-year-old can anyway.

They got through Christmas, Aaron even let Seb have a sleepover with Eve. He didn't want to keep Seb away from Chas, because despite her poor choice of words it was clear she loved that boy dearly.

With Christmas out of their way, Aaron dreaded his birthday. The special days were always harder. Christmases and birthdays, especially Robert's. They got him a card last year and Seb signed it with his own little hand. Aaron hoped that would be the turning point. The one he was waiting for, ever since Robert got locked up. It was, and it wasn't at the same time. They did get an answer. Robert wrote to Seb every once in a while after that, but only addressed him. Like Aaron wasn't even there. It was cruel, and all Aaron wanted to do was cry, but he had to be strong for Seb. It was more than he had before but it was far from enough.

This... his 30th birthday was even more depressing than the others. He remembered once Robert told him he'd make a fuss about it and would organize the biggest surprise, and Aaron wouldn't even see it coming. He joked about how it would make Aaron cry because he's all soft inside. Aaron always punched his arm at this, telling him to shut up before he kissed him gently. Good times. In a past that no longer had a future. Not in his reality.

* * *

Aaron had zero interest in a party. It's not fun anymore, but he had Seb now, and at age 4 he was all about the fuss, he was the centre of attention no matter what gathering they went to. He was adamant to celebrate Daddy Aaron's birthday. Aaron had no choice.

He started to feel weird a couple of days before it actually. Like he was missing something. His family was nice... too nice. His mother wasn't annoying, Vic offered to babysit Seb if Aaron wanted an afternoon to himself, or even just to catch up on some paperwork at the yard. That actually was a good idea. Cain said Isaac and Seb should spend more time together – didn't matter that they were practically living together. Aaron couldn't figure out what was wrong, but he tried to let go of it and tried to enjoy his birthday for the first time in a long time. If nothing else, for Seb's sake.

“DADDY DADDY WAKE UP!” -he heard Seb's voice that morning as he ran into his room and started jumping on his bed.

“Oi mate, not that loud.” - shushed Aaron but the boy was too excited.

“It's your birthday!!! Happy birthday!” - he smiled before he sat down and curled up next to his dad on the bed.

“Ah thank you, buddy.” - smiled Aaron kissing his head.

“I made you a card.” - he said proud. - “It's downstairs. Auntie Liv helped, but I signed it...like the one to Daddy Robert.” - at the mention of Robert's name, Aaron felt the lump in his throat, but somehow he managed not to cry.

“Really?”- he said with a broken voice - “Then it's already the best birthday I've ever had.”

“The best???” - asked Seb surprised.

“Yeah. Come on, I go and make you breakfast.”

“Nana's here. She said she's making me breakfast.”- as soon as Seb said this Aaron stilled. He started to think about all sorts, and it all ended with a surprise birthday party.... and he still wasn't in the mood for that. He knew that being 30 was a big deal, and he said he was trying for Seb, but it was early, and he wanted nothing to do with any of it.

“Really? And who let her in?”

“Uncle Cain did.” - shrugged Seb – “They said I should wake you because you're gonna have a surprise soon.”

“Oh god.” - sighed Aaron massaging his temple.

“What's wrong Daddy? You're not poorly are ya?” - he asked concerned and Aaron's heart melted. - “Do you want a cuddle?” - he offered, opening his tiny arms.

“Yeah, a cuddle sounds about right.” - he smiled as he pulled Seb to his lap. It was amazing how this little boy could lighten up his mood within a second no matter what.

“Knock- knock.” - came the voice and Aaron cleared his throat. He knew it was his mum. - “Can I come in?” - she asked peering inside.

“Yeah, trouble here said I should wake up, right?” - asked Aaron looking at his son.

“Daddy is lazy.” - said Seb and Chas chuckled. - “Can I have breakfast, Nana?”

“Sure you can sweetheart. Anything you want.”

“TOAST!” - yup, it was definitely Aaron's influence.

“Alright then, but first you gotta help Auntie Liv, she's in her room.”

“Okay.” - he said happily before he waved his hand at Aaron promising he's gonna come back later. As soon as he was out of the room Aaron dropped his smile and looked at his mother with a tired face.

“Mum, I told ya... no party.”

“It's more for Seb if I'm honest. He was so excited to celebrate your birthday, I'm not entirely sure he knows that he's not gonna get presents this time.” - she laughed.

“I'm serious mum, don't make a fuss. I just want a low key day. Cake for Seb, and that's all. I'm too old for this.” - he sighed again.

“Alright luv, promise you're gonna enjoy it. But first, have a shower and all, we're not ready yet.” - she said turning around to leave the room.

“Mum... I said no fuss!” - repeated Aaron because she clearly didn't understand the first dozens of times.

“I've heard, but if I can't spoil my boy on his 30th then when can I? Seb will love it okay? Now go and get dressed. You have a cake to slice.” - Aaron couldn't do a single thing but to obey. He knew deep down that it was too much to ask. He wouldn't even celebrate if it wasn't for Seb. It was painful. It hurt. It hurt because all he could think about was the birthdays he spent with Robert, how they laughed all day, how he held him in his arms, promising him forever... and it was all a lie. Because he shut him out and if it wasn't for Seb they'd be divorced by now. Not that it was any kind of marriage at all. They were a joke, and he hated it. He felt a sudden rush of anger boiling in his blood, and he wanted to punch Robert's face so bad. He knew he had no choice but to get out of bed, get ready and face the music. He only hoped this day will pass as fast as it possibly could.

* * *

He went down the stairs all dressed up, ready for the madness to begin, but it wasn't quite the scene he imagined. First of all, everybody was so quiet. He didn't hear Seb chatting, and that boy always had something to say. He talked about anything and everything... just like Robert used to. Not this time... in fact... he wasn't even there.

“Erm... where's Seb?” - asked Aaron looking around. Chas and Cain were there. No sign of Liv, Vic, or Seb.. or even Isaac... it was weird.

“Liv and Vic took the kids for a walk. You know to drain the adrenalin.” - said Cain as he handed a beer to his nephew. - “Drink.” - he told him simply.

“It's well early.” - he wasn't much of a drinker ever since he got Seb.

“Pff like it bothered you before.” - he scoffed – “Come on, happy birthday kid.” - he said clinking their bottles. Aaron gave him a weird look but eventually took a sip.

“Everything's done. The food is almost ready. The cake is in the fridge.” - said Chas. Aaron looked around again. There were some balloons and party hats on the table, a massive HAPPY 30TH BIRTHDAY sign hanging across the room. It was alright but somehow Aaron felt strange.

“Okay, what's going on?” - he said. Chas and Cain looked at each other but before they could answer the door opened and Liv walked in with Isaac. -”Where's Seb?” - asked Aaron again when he saw that his son wasn't with his sister.

“Don't worry he's with Vic. You know how hard it is to get him off the monkey bars.” - okay, it was true but still weird. Seb was well chuffed for this party, it made zero sense that he didn't wanna come home as soon as possible to have some cake.

“I just... go... and get him.” - said Aaron aiming for the door.

“No.” - said Chas stepping in front of him. - “He'll be here soon, come on luv it's your birthday.”

“Yeah, and I wanna spend it with my son.” - said Aaron raising his voice. The door opened again and finally, he saw Seb. Vic walked in after him with Harry in her arms apologizing about the delay, saying how one of his prezzies needed sorting. - “Vic I told ya, no presents.”

“Calm down it's done now.”- she smiled. - “So, can we start this party?” - she asked and all the kids started jumping around demanding cake. - “Alright birthday boy, sit here.” - said Vic as they went over to the kitchen. She patted the back of a chair, telling Aaron that it was his place. He sighed but eventually sat down, with his back to the front door.

“Alright, now everybody, we need to sing happy birthday. Make sure to sing very very loud.” - said Vic to the kids, winking at them. If Aaron could bother to look at his son he would catch him grinning like a fool, and maybe that would've alerted him, but he concentrated on not to have a headache as everybody started singing... well... “singing”. It was funny he had to admit. The kids were screaming rather than singing and it was all chaotic. In the meantime, Chas got the cake, placed it on the table, and lighted up the candles. All 30 of them.

“Really mum?” - asked Aaron shaking his head.

“Yes, really. Come on Seb could help you.” - she said knowing that blowing out the candles were Seb's favorite thing about any birthdays. Not even the cake. The candles. So Aaron picked Seb up and seated him on his lap so when the time comes he could “help him”.

“You have to close your eyes, Daddy.” - said Seb.

“What? Why?”

“Because you have to make a wish, and you have to think about it really hard because it's not gonna come true if you don't.” - he pouted.

“I don't really...”

“You have to make a wish! That's the rule!” - said Seb again when his dad didn't wanna play along at first. The others chuckled at them. It was adorable, and Aaron had no idea how important it was to close his eyes. Eventually, he did.

“Alright, happy now?” - he asked with a smile as he kept his eyes close.

“Alright, luv make a wish then.” - said Chas unable to stop smiling. Fortunately, Aaron didn't see because that would've been telling enough. Aaron thought about just lying, not make any wishes, because what would be the point, when he wished for the same thing every year... every given opportunity... hell even every time he saw a dying star. It never came true. All he wanted was for Robert to reach out to him. To stop ignoring him. To hear his voice. He knew it was foolish to not give up after all this time. He took a deep breath as he promised that after today he's gonna start anew. After today he won't wish for something he knew would never come true. But for now... not just for himself but for Seb... he let his mind wander there. He let Robert's memory invade his space for the last time, as he wished for nothing but a sign. He was ready to blow out the candles, to open his eyes finally but suddenly he felt two hands before his eyes. He felt someone gently blocking his view with their hands, and Aaron's heart stopped beating for a moment. The room was silent. He didn't even think before he kicked his chair and let Seb go as he stood up. He shook those hands away because he needed to see. He needed to know if it was his mind playing tricks if it was only a cruel joke. Because it couldn't be true.

“Wha..” - he said as he saw Robert standing in front of him for the first time in years. His own hand covered his mouth as his eyes widened. His heart was beating so fast he honestly thought he was having a heart attack.

“Happy...” - Robert started to speak but Aaron had no patience to hear him out. He swung his arms around him as he hugged him tightly. The tears were streaming down his face, as buried his head in the crook of Robert's shoulder. He had no idea how long they were standing like that. Minutes? Seconds? An hour? He only knew that when they finally parted there was no one else in the house... no one else but him and Robert.

“Where... where's everyone?” - he asked as he wiped his face with the sleeve of his shirt.

“They thought they give us some space.”

“How?” - _How are you here? why now? When did you come back? Seb! Does he understand?_ All these questions were running around Aaron's brain, but he didn't have the voice to ask them.

“I got released a couple of days ago.” - smiled Robert. Aaron just looked at him. He didn't know what to think, his mind was confusing him. After a few seconds of silence, he licked his lips, looked at Robert.... and punched him right in the face. - “Alright, I deserved that.” - laughed Robert. Did he see it coming?

“What are you playing at?” - asked Aaron finally. It wasn't what he really wanted to ask but right now he was blinded by his anger. - “You think you just come back into my life... into Seb's life after you practically abandoned us? HOW DO YOU THINK IT FELT ROBERT? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA?” - he said as he started crying again. - “I needed ya... and you pushed me away.”

“Aaron.” - said Robert as he reached his hand out. Aaron stepped back to avoid his touch. - “I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I thought it would be the best.”

“THE BEST? FOR WHO?”

“FOR YOU, YOU IDIOT!” - shouted Robert as he ran his hand through his hair. Then and only then Aaron looked at him. Really looked at him. He wore a shirt that was too big, and jeans that didn't fit his body like it used to. He still looked gorgeous but also broken. He looked like he's not slept in weeks, and Aaron knew it must be right. He knew prison was hard, that's why he would've never given up on him.

“It's called marriage because we stick together in good and bad.” - he said to Robert. - “I would've done it, you know I would've... or did you have doubts... about me?” - he asked with a broken voice.

“No, of course not! I know you would've!” - he said trying to touch him again. This time Aaron let him. - “I didn't want that for you. It wasn't a life I imagined for you.”

“It wasn't your choice.” - he sniffed.

“I'm sorry, it was hard for me too.”

“Yeah... I bet.” - he scoffed.

“If you hate me... I deserve it. I know I shouldn't have pushed you away. It broke me too Aaron.”

“You should've talked to me, Robert. But you acted like I was nothing... even after Seb....” - he trailed off – “I'm a horrible person... because... because when Rebecca died I thought maybe... maybe now you're gonna talk to me. Maybe it would be a turning point.” - he cried – “But you didn't. You acted like I didn't even exist.”

“I'm so sorry Aaron, I thought it was for the best. For all I knew, you could've been with someone. I didn't want to...”

“Are you winding me up? You really think I could've done that? You have no idea what you meant to me, Robert.” - said Aaron and Robert's heart broke as he heard the past tense. _Fair enough_ he thought. He wanted Aaron to move on.- “Why are you here?” - asked Aaron. Robert had no answer to that. _Why was he there?_ \- “If you want nothing to do with me... why you're here... on my birthday of all days... why Robert?”

“I'm sorry.”

“I don't want you to be sorry, I want you to answer me!”

“I can't.” - he said finally. Aaron looked at him and saw the tears in his eyes as well. - “I can't because that would make me a hypocrite.”

“I wish I could stop loving you.” - said Aaron sniffing.

“You couldn't?”

“What do you think?” - he asked him with a bittersweet laughter. - “I wanna hate you... so much.” - whispered Aaron as he closed his eyes. This gave Robert the opportunity to step closer.

“But you don't?” - as soon as he asked the question he met with the most beautiful blue eyes, the ones he pictured every night before he tried to fall asleep. The ones that kept him going. The ones he prayed one day would see again.

“I don't.” - sighed Aaron. He knew Robert was about to kiss him and he didn't have the strength to pull away. He never even wanted to in the first place. Because feeling his lips against his own was something he craved ever since their last kiss. He never even knew it would be their last kiss. But now Robert was here, he was kissing him, and for a little while, Aaron let go of everything. A moment later Aaron was tucking at Robert's shirt, trying to unbutton it, trying to get it off him, all the while he was pushing him in the direction of the stairs.

“Aaron, Aaron... don't....” - said Robert trying to slow him down.

“Shut up, just shut up. I don't wanna think.” - he breathed against his skin and Robert gave in.

* * *

“Do you think they know?” - asked Aaron. They were in bed, covered by only the sheets, from the waist down. He kept playing with Robert's fingers while his other hand was stroking his thigh.

“Yeah, I think they do.” - chuckled Robert. - “I told Vic that I would message her but not to come back before that.”

“You thought about everything...” - said Aaron. - “Why didn't I hear you coming in?”

“You remember how loud the kids sang?”

“It was all part of the plan?” - he asked amused.

“Yeah. Vic helped a lot.... and your mum.”

“My mum?”

“Yeah, believe me, it was weird at first. I don't know what she's done but she said she wants to make it right. And she wants you to be happy.”

“Seb.” - said Aaron as he sat up suddenly. - “I have to... he doesn't...” - he rambled.

“We met already.” - said Robert pushing him back gently.

“You what?”

“I stayed at Vic's and.. she brought him around earlier.”

“That's why I couldn't find him.”

“He's such a clever boy Aaron. He's so smart... and...”

“And he looks just like you.” - he said with tears in his eyes.

“Hey.” - whispered Robert leaning closer to brush it away.

“Sometimes it was hard... being near him. Knowing that it's the closest I'm ever gonna get to you.”

“I'm so sorry.”

“Stop saying that.”

“But I am.”

“I know.” - he sighed. - “How are you here? What happened?”

“New evidence. We can talk about it later.” - he said kissing his temple.

“I just wanna know... you're back for good?” - asked Aaron looking up at him.

“I'm back for good.... if you still want me here.” - he said and Aaron let out a laugh. - “It was a serious question.” - said Robert after he didn't get any answers.

“I suppose we can give it a try.”

“I promise...”

“No. Don't.” - said Aaron stopping him. - “Don't promise me anything ever again. Just... if you'd break it again I couldn't handle it.” - he said and Robert just nodded. - “I wanna stay here with you, all day.” - said Aaron snuggling against Robert.

“You can't.” - he smiled – “You have a party to go to.”

“Argh please don't.”

“Seb would love it.”

“He really would.” - thought Aaron smiling.

“I told him to look after you.” - said Robert while he pulled Aaron to his chest, their fingers still intertwined.

“What? When?”

“Ages ago. I think deep down I knew it wasn't gonna end well, and I asked him to look after you, and he did.” - he chuckled. - “I have to thank him later.”

“He's gonna be pretty proud of himself.” - laughed Aaron knowing how his son handled compliments.

“Thank you.” - said Robert all of a sudden.

“For what?”

“For... taking him in... giving him a family. For being the best dad he could possibly have.”

“It was never a question. I love him.” - he said softly. - “Do you need to ring Vic?”

“Let's see...” - he said taking a look at his phone. - “I think we have another hour before she starts calling me. I did tell her we either make up or you kill me.”

“You're an idiot.”

“There was a chance.” - he laughed.

“Shut up and kiss me.”

“Come here then.” - smiled Robert but before their lips could touch he pulled away to look into Aaron's eyes. - “Aaron?”

“Yeah?”

“Happy birthday.” - and it was. It really was the best.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks, Orit for the idea, I think it was pretty soft, I hope you guys will like reading it just as much as I liked writing it.
> 
> if you wanna chat:
> 
> tumblr: susieskinner93  
> twitter:@tradisgirl93


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